It's that time of year again when I sum up what's happened. I just read last years post and it made me a little sad.
Yes, 2012 was good to me, but in different ways. I wasn't as sad as I was in 2011, I moved on from my faith and new things started happening more frequently. I finished university, I moved out of my family home and in with my boyfriend, I became independent. I started a new job, bought a new car. All these new and exciting things but I look back on the year and hardly remember it. How has it gone by so fast? The things I've just written sound so big and important and exciting. It's a milestone year, that's for sure. The reason last years post made me sad is because of one of last sentences that I wrote. It was to be my motto. 'Good things come to those who work hard.' I suppose, in all honesty, there really is no reason for me to be sad when I read that. My hard work at university paid off and I got a first class degree, my hard work at saving bought me a new car and my eagerness after university got me my first design job. The reason I feel sad though, coming out of 2012 and into the new year, is that I don't really think it paid off. I haven't written on my blog about this before, but I suppose now is as good a time as any. And there was no reason why I didn't write it down, except that I think I felt embarrassed and upset. I was screwed around by this new job that I got straight out of uni. They had promised me a full time position but by the time I had chased them up, it had changed to three days a week. That's fine, I said, I kept my other part time job (in retail) and I could pay rent in my new flat and everything would work out. Then they dropped my hours again, and finally, in November, they dropped me completely. I was laid off.
It wasn't a shock. I wasn't stupid and I saw it coming. The work wasn't coming in and the business wasn't doing well. But you never expect that sort of luck, in the end. I was so excited back in June. Everything was working out as planned. It was like the little dream you had when you were young. That you'd meet your partner in university, move out together once you finished and get great jobs in the big wide world. You'd make good money, eventually put down a deposit on a house, start a family and grow old together. Naive of me, absolutely. But still, it was a dream after all And part of it was true, I did meet my boyfriend at university and the plans were made that we would move in together.
But life isn't like that, not really. And I come out of 2012 feeling a little conned. I worked hard, and the job didn't work out like I thought. I've been going to countless interviews since I finished university and keep getting turned away because they've found someone with more experience. I don't feel like the good things have come. And I do feel like I've worked hard. I'm not being big-headed when I say that, but I didn't imagine life after uni to be like this. A constant battle to make rent, the struggle at picking up overtime at my retail job and the constant stress in doing both these things. Sure, you always hear about graduates struggling. I wasn't silly, but when I got this job, I thought I'd been the one who slipped through the net and made it. Alas, I wasn't, and I move into 2013 with an uncertain future.
I don't want this post to be a downer. I made the best decision of my entire life, moving out of my parent's home. I now live in my own flat with my partner, where I can cook our dinner and do our washing and be completely independent. I am happy here. I am always being told that things will get better. That I will find the perfect job soon, and that everything will work out. I don't doubt this, but I do hope it happens soon! I opened a fortune cookie in September, and it said 'Prosperity will knock on your door soon.' I don't know how long soon is, but I'll be waiting for it.
And so, I will go into 2013 full of hope, anticipation and open arms. I won't let my heart be heavy, I am thankful of my flat, of my love, and my life. Let's do this.